Thanksgiving 2011

I have been so Thankful the last few months more then I have ever in my life.
Thank you goes out to each and every one of you for all the support, love, and prayers. As I Kick cancer to the curb, you all have been helping me.Some of you feel you haven't but even in the simplest way of just checkin in on me from afar has helped me know that you care. Here is just a few of the simplest ways people have helped me that I am so honored and thankful for.

Cher had mentioned me to a few of her friends and they would send me cards and lil gifts to perk me up. how amazing is that... these are people that I have never met but so so lucky to finally meet them a few weeks ago. AMAZING PEOPLE!

I was very honored when a old friend from high school had told me about Shoots For A Cure and that she would be willing to take my pictures. Janice Mullane Peralta is the best!!!! Janice came to my friend Cher Schmidt's house while I was up visiting and we did the photo shoot in her house. This photo shoot was only a few weeks ago, and I am so thankful Janice was able to be able to capture this time for me. I want to remember my cancer treatments, scars from surgery, and everything that came with it. I want o be able to stand up say look at what I accomplished. I am so Thankful these two women are in my life, as with all of my other friends and family. I am one lucky broad!!!! I truely was very overwhelmed by all the support and love I have recieved from everyone in the last few months. I am not one to talk or show about emotions much but I seriously am very emotional over all the support.
THANK YOU ALL !!!! I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU !!!!




Cher & I














Shoots For A Cure had asked if I would be willing to allow them to put my photos on their website. I did and here is a link to that page... (hope that worked, if not copy and paste) they are the same picts.
Thank you goes to Kris Gray for helpin me out with words.

http://shootsforacure.com/2011/11/be-inspired-meet-jill-battle-session/


Here are just a few shout outs to a few people ....
If I don't have your pict let's get it soon if it is possible as I want to honor each and every one of you.


THANK YOU for the best supporter ever!!!! Nathan Marple,you amaze me!!!
You're the BEST!


THANK YOU Cher Schmidt for being a huge supporter!!


THANK YOU COLTY for loving and supporting me even kissin & cuddling with me when I needed it most !


THANK YOU Kris for being you, and supporting me !!


THANK YOU Danika for all your help and support!!


A HUGE THANK YOU to Nicole Robinson, Peyton Lynn, Kris Gray, & Rachael Yonko for walkin race for the cure with me !!


A huge THANK YOU to my niece Peyton Lynn for making me a dragon tail for Race for a cure!!!


TAHNK YOU Shelley Pennington Embrey supporting me while running!!


THANK YOU Carter Kinkead for supporting me durring his CCYF football game!!


THANK YOU Prairie Falcon CCYF 7th graders for supporting me durring their game!!!













TOGETHER WE CAN DO IT !!!!
Thank each and every one of you for all of your support!

Thank you all for supporting me!!!!

Round 4 !!!!

Well Round 4 kicked me!
The more rounds I go the worse they seem. I got sick to my tummy as soon as I got home. Today is day 7 and I still don’t feel all that good. However, better than I have been this week. I haven’t had the nausea this bad yet OH it was all I had to keep it down. I instantly was plugged if you know what I mean… I don’t like to talk about those issues that come with chemo but this round if it’s not plugged its running lol. My hands hurt really badly like a lot of pressure then I realized they were swelling. Saturday we went to a memorial service for one of Nate’s co workers wife and we had to leave right afterwards it was all I had to stay awake, even on ride home. I slept all day and night woke up Sunday my birthday feeling horrible in the middle of the night and just stayed in bed all day. Monday I woke up to get boys ready for school and I took a pict of my hand at 6 am went back to bed woke up at 9 am and took another picture wow the difference is crazy. They hurt so bad they burn like an actual burn. I even have them on the palm side of my hand on a few fingers… My nails Oh my nails it feels like the pressure inside my fingers that I was talking about is pushing the nails off my nail beds. My nails are actually lifting off in areas. Then today I noticed that my nails are flattening out. Research guy said this is a side effect and it’s from the chemo. Like no big deal nothing they can do. Along with these FEW LOL complaints I have 2 blisters on my foot. One right under my big toe that is about the size of a quarter and the other on the heel and then duh of course this is on the bad foot that I had ankle surgery 2 times last year on and nerve damage from… so I walk different because of the blisters which is causing other issues with the ankle and nerve issues. OH WHEN WILL IT STOP? Calgon take me away ! lol



6 am left hand 10-24-11

6 am right hand 10-24-11

9am right hand 10-24-11

10-26-11 9 am right hand

finger nail lifting

round 4 10/19/2011

SO I go pick up Kris at 7am we headed straight for Starbucks then to subway to get lunch for later. WE get on the road at 7:20 made it to appt just at 8am, Lucky ducky lol. Not like they are ever in a hurry for us you know but you have to be on time.
Anyways we go back meet with Kate Van Meter she tells me my blood levels are good YIPPIE! We discuss my nausea still and she refers me to the pharmacist for a consult.
Next Kris and I went up to physical therapy for my lemyhedema therapy. Yup ½ hr early but they get me in right away which was nice. So since we had 30 minutes Kris and I went down stair and had out lunch at 9:30am lol but I know if I didn’t eat I’d be sick afterwards. SO we munched on our subway sandwiches then headed back up to check in to chemo.
Once we were taken back we were put in chair 4 with Susan as my nurse… RUDE AND VERY SHORT with people… I get my port cath hooked up to the saline it runs for 30 minutes. I had forgot to take my Dexamethasome Steroid yesterday and my am dose for today…ops so they then had to hook me up to that for 45 minutes they give me a sutifed for my nose side effects I get my second bag of chemo and two kytril for the nausea so I take all this and then here comes my chemo….
Susan was training or retraining I should say this lady Linda use to be in the chemo ward 12 years ago and came back today was her second day back and I happened to get her. But she is nicer the Susan. I’m sitting forward in my chair scrapbooking on the stool in front of me and all of a sudden my ass is wet and I didn’t Pee… And It’s getting worse so I stand up really quick as Linda is screwing in the new chemo bag to my iv lines and then my chair is really soaked now and I’m freaking’ out “ HELLLO WE HAVE A PROBLEM THIS IS LEAKIN AND MY ASS IS WET” well she blocks the chemo which is great but forgot to block the saline, She does that and then I’m looking’ at the big piece that hooks from my port to the iv lines and it now had blood coming out . I hold it up right thinking oh it won’t come out of that and its pour out of that like a chocolate fountain, they block that and then we clean it all up. All to find out Kris wasn’t there she went to the ice machine she missed most of the drama lol. OMG really…..
I ended up getting my second bag of chemo but got a headache with it and I ask Susan the nurse if I can get something for it she says we are giving you sutifed for it I said no that’s for the nose side effects I have with it. SO Kris went out to pharmacy and talked to Gayla (My pharmacists and my fav.) talked to her she said they give sutifed to help prevent headaches and they don’t carry any of my migraine / headache meds… GO figure. So she comes out of the pharmacy and asks me if I’d like just a pain pill I told her sure, just surprise me look at my record I have a few . She offered me a dialoted (spelled wrong) I turned it down then told her to just surprise me with whatever she wanted to give….That broad came out with two vicodine lmao for a head ache but it worked lol

I then all of a sudden started sweating so bad they got me a cold wash cloth. I have NEVER had this side effect it was horrible. I mean I soaked some clothes it was bad. I get it to calm down and then wham its back I had this happened 4 times now 2 while at chemo 2 at home. OMG it is horrible.

On a good note about this round I believe someone had sent me two angels today and it was for me just to remember….. This sweet little lady sat across from me Karen .she was diagnosed a few days before me but get this she went in thinking she had a sinus headache and it ends up being 17 liesions on her brain and some on her lungs. What a spitfire …Sweet little Karen has lung cancer that has mastestized to brain cancer. Oh seeing her she just reminded me of my Grandma J then she asked us girls to come chat with her so we did for a few and learned a lot about her in a few minutes… I’m praying for her too last her 2 +years as she is praying for…
Then a bit later a new man was brought in to the unit and sat across from me and I looked over and I swear it was Terry sitting here I slowly turned my head looked at Kris and said Terry and she looked up and kind of shocked look on her face she says yeah…. I swear I was meant to see these people today and remind me of each of them.

So today will filled with a great friend, drama, a new friend, and two reminders from angels.

Headaches back, Hot flashes, Tummy is so messed up, cotton mouth is horrible, nothing is working , not even the Biotene wash and gum, sick of water already, my feet and hands are blistering and cracking, now my nails are peeling , so need a mani/pedi, Muscle cramps and joint pain is here. I can’t walk far without sweating now, and bad lower back pain when I walk distance, I took an ambient sleep aid 2 hrs ago and still can’t sleep lol

I am not on my death bed as you usually associate people with going through chemo. I was told today women under 50 have the worse luck with horrible nausea not the elderly. I think since so many people are so closed about their journey we usually only see the end or close to the end results. That is what sticks in our minds. This is why I share!
It just amazes me how each round gets more intense more side effects and how I really feel like crap.
I may get out and about week two or three but I still feel like crap I get stir crazy can’t stay in the house all the time….So if you see me out and about or ask me yeah I’ll say “I’m ok “I ALWAYS have some nausea issues some days are horrible, and some days it’s just ok to deal with. I just want you all to know I am tolerating it the only way I know how, One day at a time. Just hoping this birthday I have nothing.
Thanks for all the support
Your letters, cards, messages, texts, everything helps me deal with the every day.
Love you all near and far.
Jill Marple

catchin up

I know I need to catch up and stay caught up but I am human and going through chemo and I forget lol
Well round two was just like round one a lot of the same issues. Which If you go back you can read as I have more to tell you about round 3 so I don’t want to go through it all plus I’m to dang lazy right now lol
Round three
Nate decided he wanted to go with me to this treatment… Oh he’s in for a good time lol
So let me fill you in Nate has bad knees do to work and has to get cortisone one a regular basis just for him to be able to walk. So we planned this out he has to have one day off after wards so he had the shots in both knees the day before treatment and then he’ll just go to treatment with me right …lol
Oh well good times he has restless leg syndrome and can’t stand sit squat for any periods of time right but the cortisone clams that down for about 4 days so we should be good. WE go to Chemo I go in see the drug research nurse, then go see the oncologist ( Nate being Nate, has quite a few comments about him lol he told me he had some questions he’d like answered while we were there and he was going to ask right but instead he sits there playing Zombie Gunship on my iphone instead of asking questions lol he didn’t even look up when the oncologist walked in lol Plus he didn’t even turn the sound down so it sounded like Iraq in there lol that’s my Nater please keep in mind I was pissed at the time, but lookin back it’s kind of funny my motto fits here it is what it is. ) then I’m askin the questions to my Doc and he kind of walked around the question and I never got it answered as doc leaves the room Nate pops his head up from the iphone “ ummmm not lookin good” Nate says lol. Oh he cracks me up some times. Next we have to go back to waiting room and recheck in to go to nurse chemo area. Of course Zombie Gunship is being played as we are walking down the hall ways ect . with sound. I go pay again and get checked in. finally we are taken back to chemo. My nurse hooks me up and to Iv and steroids and off I go to get my water juice and snacks he is floored I’m up cruising around as everyone else looks like they re on their death beds in there. But I honestly believe I was the youngest by 30+ years that day. Oh he really makes me laugh. Then the first bag of chemo comes and he is all that’s a lot then when that’s was done he thought we were lol no Nate one more OMG really that’s a big bag too lol oh Nate… After running my battery down he was bored thank god I brought the word searches he could wait for the battery to charge long enough as the plug in wasn’t by him lol thank God I brought it though lol We finally get to go home whoop hoo I was drained from keeping him occupied lol and watching him up, down stretch, up, down, stretch
Well the symptoms hit me harder and right away with this round I prepared for the constipation and had stuff on board prior (Insert rolling of eyes here) Thank God I did! But I noticed as soon as the nurse put the Heparin in my port to clear the line I got the usual nasty smell and taste in my mouth from that but my nose was super sensitive this time to smells. About 45 minutes from the last drop of chemo I noticed I got the waxy plastic coating in my mouth. I also noticed my taste wasn’t the same it’s just changed. UGGGH water didn’t even taste right uugh all before I even got home. I knew instantly once this happened this round was not going to be fun. Well I just went and walked around the house a few times to stretch and get fresh air. I then have had other issues hit me hard like I’m boarder line anemic. My blood counts are low. then the other day , my hands broke out in a rash hot and swelled, my bottom lip swelled so bad it split, my nose swelled so bad I couldn’t ware my glasses, my ear lobes swelled, I itched from head to toes , plus I got 3 blisters on my left foot too and my eye lids swelled shut. For no known reason so they make me drive back over there the next day to get checked. Oh it’s just a bad reaction to the chemo. REALLY???????????? I drove all that way for that NO SHIT HUH BAD REACTION glad I went to medical school. Yes the real Jill showed up and got all pissed but did nothing but ball my head off in the room and in the line at the pharmacy. I left there so mad. I got invited to go use a deep bathtub at Cher’s mom’s house to go soak in my aveeno. Oh it helped so much!!!!!



after dr visit

after long soak in the tub
So today the itching has gone down, hands are still fire red patchy and burn, nose soars are coming on, I’m very tired, my tummy still isn’t being settled. Doctor told me he won’t prescribe me a medical marijuana card but I can find it if I wanted to try a hit to see if it will help. OH BOY! Back to the good ole days LMAO! He also told me he can’t prescribe me my migraine meds (caffeine) but he can give me chemo…. Things that make you go hummmm….lol
Oh totally random thought to tell you the other day Kim and I went to the gym and we swam.
It felt so good getting back in the pool again. We have been two times now, and this last time we did the mile. It took us a little longer then we usually do but hey we did it, and I was only a few days out of chemo.
So as to date my usual daily of how I feel is like just before the flu really hits you … you know that your tummy just is not right unsettled, I fight daily headaches. I sweat doing very little, and tire very easily. I also noticed this round I’m VERY sensitive (lol) ok downright bitchy towards my poor Colty. I don’t mean to be but I can’t handle people acting DUMB right now… I just jump him in the middle of whatever he is saying and wow poor kido. I apologize but I don’t think it helps. As for Bai well he barely talks to me welcome to teen hood lol… I also have been EXTREAMLY emotional. I cry very easily. Like yesterday at the doctors about my swelling and itching. Just sobbing while he told me it’s just Chemo.
I keep telling myself that it is just God testing me to see how far till I break but I keep yelling to my inside self I’m broke Damn it! I’m Broke!
I do want to say again Thank You all for your love and support during this fight. Cos if it were not for you all I don’t know where I’d be health and mentally…. I love the cards, little words of encouragement, and all the prayers! THANK YOU!



just a random pict I took today just for Cher.
She was yellin at me for not waring a hat when I was out today.
So I put on on when I got home and sent her this pict lol
Didn't realize I could twist my face that much lol

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I don’t blog more... I mean to I just don't. I really just don't feel good!

I really am going through a hard time right now with round two.

I'm very emotional and struggling with the side effects chemo brings on.

I know it's not something people talk about but chemo does bring one something I hate and that is constipation. It hits you like a brick and I’m not kidding a brick sideways… Then they stress you out by telling you, you can’t push because you can cause a stroke. So you sit there worrying what are you going to do. The only thing that helps me is Magnesium citrate which let me tell you cleans you out like liquid then you’re stuck trying to recoop from that for a few days. It’s HORRIBLE!

The leg cramps and joint pain is worse this time around.
If every round gradually gets worse I don’t know what I’m going to do.
I’m only on round 2 day 4.

the days of chemo round one

August 18 Day of
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Sneezing,
Headache,
Can’t sleep

August 19, day 2
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Constipated

August 20, day 3
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Constipated

August 21, day 4
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose feels dry

August 22, day 5
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars

August 23, day 6
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain
Very thirsty

August 24, day 7
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain

August 25, day 8
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain

August 26, day 9
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain
Rash on both hands thumbs and index fingers

August 27, day 10
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain
Rash on both hands thumbs and index fingers
Lips chapped and peeling

August 28, day 11
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Kidney area back pain
Rash on both hands thumbs and index fingers
Lips chapped
August 29, day 12
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Rash on both hands thumbs and index fingers
Lips chapped
August 30, day 13
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Severe Knee, ankle, toe pain
Nose soars,
Ears hurt,
Rash on both hands thumbs and index fingers
Lips chapped
August 31, day 14
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Lips chapped
Hair loss
Can’t sleep

September 1, day 15
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Hair loss
Kidney area back pain
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep

September 2, day 16
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Hair loss
Kidney area back pain
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep
September 3, day 17
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Calf cramps,
Hair loss
Kidney area back pain
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep
September 4, day 18
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Hair loss
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep
Very dry skin
Peeling skin around nails

September 5, day 19
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Ankle swollen
Hair loss
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep
Very dry skin
Peeling skin around nails

September 6, day 20
So nauseated
Tummy feels weird,
Headache,
Calf cramps,
Hair loss
Scalp pain
Can’t sleep
Very dry skin
Peeling skin around nails

a few days of catch up posts

August, 20
I just woke up NOT feeling good at all. I wish I could just puke and get it over with. I just woke up and took my nausea meds and went back to sleep. I slept all day until Nate got home and we had to get ready to go to my sister in laws for Her boyfriends and our niece's double birthday party.
Nate and the boys were hungery so we stopped at Jack in the box. I eneded up eating to. Probley shouldn't have. I just had the breckfast bowl not sure if it was that or just the car ride but I didn't feel so good on the car ride up to Longview. I just closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
We arrive at the aprty and the lighter fluid and the smell of the food and dips made my tummy turn so I just hung out on the couch until Nate and the boys were ready to leave. Everyone understood thank God cos I felt so rude but I couldn't do it.I was up all night not feeling well at all and really regreted going to Longview thinking that made it worse.

August, 21
I once again didnt sleep well last night if I slept at all. I woke up feeling so GROSSSSSS! I can only explain it as almost feeling hung over. YOur head doesn't feel right, like it's kind of foggy and slow to catch up to reality. My tummy just wish I'd puke it is so confused on what it wants to do. Only could eat instant mashed potatoes and feel like that was ok to eat. my poor nose is so dry and hurts from the soars in there. just took nausea meds and tried to sleep.

August, 22
OMG I'm so over feeling like I could puke any minute.
The nose issue WOW REALLY HUGE SCABS.
SO you constantly feel like you have HUGE crusty boogies. You blow your nose and you know that was a mistake cos now it will just have to scab over again. It's a never ending battle.
OH something things I havent mentioned yet is every day about mid day threw the night I get SHARP STABBING pains in my knees, ankles, and toes. Yes each toe hurts so bad too. and my mouth feels like I have a plastic coating in it it's so gross... No matter how much I brush my teeth it don't go away.
The back aches from sitting and laying around.
I wish it all would go away !

August, 23rd
TODAY I WOKE UP NOT FEELING LIKE I COULD PUKE !!!!!!!!! finally, hope it lasts
this issue with my nose is really on my last nerve. I'm actually craving food. But not getting what I want so I feel like the pregnancy cravings are hitting me lol. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired! My back is totally killin me today. My knees, ankles, and toes are starting to really hurt for the day uugh ... Hoping I am on the way to feeling better .

Please understand I'm not blogging to whine I am blogging as people are askin me how I am feeling and if you ask I will tell. I do feel very lucky this is all I have had happen to me so far. However, I do have huge emotional break downs and I don't tell ALL but I am very fortunate to just to have what I have.

08/19/2011

day after first treatment
Today I woke up with a weird tummy ache feeling, tight and flipping kind of. Took a quick shower. Dail came over to visit at 10 till 12:30pm. We had a great time chillaxin on the recliners watchin practice and qulifying for Nascar and shooting the breeze.
After he left I went back to bed slept from 1:45 -3:30pm Nate woke me up when he got home. Tummy still hurts, leg cramps never went away but now my knees are hurting too.
Mom was upstaris makin Chicken strips and fries and the house reeked for the deep fryer so I had to close the bedroom door and put a towel under the door then light my scentsy. There really isn't much here to eat either need to go shopping for food I can eat.
I am very emotionial. I'm already tired of this and it's my first treatment. I don't like to feel weak and having to rely on others.

fisrt day of chemo

.....

09/18/2011
First day of chemo
8:ooam I am slightly nervous when Cher Schmidt pulls into the driveway to pick me up and take me to my first treatment. We make a quick Start bucks run. Nothing like a toasted Chonga bagel with cream cheese and a, Venti Frap. Green Tea with extra raspberry shots to get ur day going. WE then arrive 30 minutes early even with traffic. I get checked in and they take me back into a room and I meet with Chris Kostel one of the clinical research nurses. We spent 30 minutes going over paperwork and the dos and don’ts in the infusion room guidelines. Then a nurse practionier comes in and does a quick head to toe body check and clears me for my chemo treatment. I normally would see my oncology Dr. but he was booked so I saw her.
Then they take us back out to the waiting room where I now have to resign in and pay to go into the infusion room. Nerves are really flippin pout now as I know what is coming. They call my name and here we go. We walk into the infusion room and it’s a long room but not set up the way I expected it to be. Its set in to like a bunch of quad areas in a long row with a big nurses station at the end of the room. We turn at the nurse’s station and enter another room of quads and another nurse’s station.
..... This is my area

..... This is the counter you can't touch
do to the chemo bags are set here.

this counter divides my area from the next persons area. there is a small walk way inbetween and then another set of these to form a quad. There was 4 quads in the room I was in and one nurses station. I had the choice of 3 chairs to sit in my quad. One with the window to my side, 2 facing the windows of intersate. I chose the one in the back with the chair facing the room not the window. Hellooooooooooooo people watcher here. My nurse came over to get my IV set up in my port on my chest.
....

.....

The Iv is set up then she tells me she will let pharmacy know I am hooked up to IV, and that the pharmacist will be in to talk to me.
So the pharmisist and a student in traning come over and discuss akk my currant meds and my migrains. Well some of the meds can cause migraines so we really talked about that a lot. What we will do incase i do get one. We then went over all the meds i will be talkin when I get home. They leave and about 10 minutes later my nurse comes back with a mini IV bag of steroids. They explain this will be to calm the body down before the chemo. Now my nurse comes back with this chemical labled bag labled number 1
....


...
I tried to turn these picts multi times and it wont so deal with it lol



this is my first bag of chemo.... My nurse comes back preps the ag then comes over kneels besides me and reads me the bag you know my name , DOB, health record number, name of meds, doseage. then hangs it after I ok it. She said they would slow drip this med for 30 minutes check my heart rate ect then turn it up if not reactions.My nurse came back to check on me and Well this started to cause a headache. I wasn't sure if this was due to not really eating, nerves or the meds. So Cher went down to the mini cafiteria and got me some cheese meat and chips. This was just what I wanted too. The nurse gave my two tylonel. Maybe the both kind of helped but I still had it after the first bag. So here came the second back of chemo.
......


oops upside down it wont let me change these ( very frustrating sorry guys )

So this second bag of chemo made my nose burn liek right after sneezing you might get the pressure and burnning feeling. Well I had that for about 30 minutes till they got me 2 sutifed and it kind of took away the burn but not the pressure.
Well once the chemo bags are emptied they took out the port line. cleaned up the area and then sent me to the pharmacy top pick up all my home meds.

This is where I have to give koodos to a great frined for takin time out of her family, and work, schedule to come from Seattle to just sit there with me durring this boring time. What a great friend. Thanks Cher Schmidt!
I was hungery when we left so we stopped at Muchas Gracias got a qusadillia then we stopped at Utopia so she can talk to Danika. When we made it home it was 3:45pm just after Nate got home and We said our good byes to Cher and I went straight down peed and then changed right in to pj's and went straight to bed. But I had to get paper work in order and all but then laid down even though I couldn't sleep. ( that damn steroids) My tummy don't know what it wants to do. I have been sneezing a lot now though I noticed. I am just week, calves are starting to cramp, can't sleep.

Colton came down curled up in bed with me then I had to have nate wke him up and go eat dinner come to find out he had a tummy ache and didnt feel good ( great this may not be good )

08/15/11 Ok so yesterday I had a Muga heart scan The MUGA scan (Multiple Gated Acquisition scan) is a noninvasive test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of the heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed. A MUGA scan is performed by attaching a radioactive substance, Technetium 99, to red blood cells, then injecting the red blood cells into the patient’s bloodstream. (The level of radiation to which a patient is exposed during this test is considered minimal.) The patient is then placed under a special camera (a gamma camera), and with some fancy computer manipulation, a “movie” of the beating heart is made. From this moving image, the MUGA scan gives an accurate and reproducible way to measure the ejection fraction of the left ventricle. The left ventricular ejection fraction (LVEF) is an excellent measure of overall cardiac function. The ejection fraction is simply the proportion of blood that is expelled from the ventricle with each heart beat. So, for instance, if the left ventricle ejects 60% of its blood volume with each beat, the LVEF is 0.6. (A normal LVEF is 0.5 or greater.) So Kris Gray went with me and we go back to the area where they are going to draw blood the first lady couldn't get the needle in the vein correctly even after blowing a vein on a second attempt and heating my hand with a warming bag. ..... .... this is the lady Kris and I didn't care for she was kind of grumpy and she blew my vein damn it ! the phone rings a lady in back calls out it's for her. The lady drawing my blood or attempting to draw my blood says it's actually for me and so she had to stop and let me up to go answer the phone. It was Marg from the Chemo Drug Study. Tellin me that they will do my EKG in between the Muga blood draw and the test and that she also got my blood work back good news! I'm premenopausal.... No shit really, I'm thinkin'. So, she tells me that I am acceptable for another part of the drug study which is just more blood draws. ok cool whatever, I get off the phone and start the blood draws again. ..... .... This time the second lady finds a good vein and we get the what she explained the glue like substance put into the blood stream. I had to wait 20 minutes before I got the radiation put into the blood stream, so I went and got my EKG done. I come back and they take me and Kris back to where they did the scan. So she tells me to lay flat on the table and I had to stay still for 10 minutes. HELLO, that's like tellin a infant to sit still. Come on now, it's me. OMG I had every itch and twitch once she told me she started uuugh so frustrating. but we got the testing done. THANK GOD! I'm hoping this third picture will work I took it as a video maybe it will come out here as a video but hoping for at least a picture, or both lol. Fingers crossed.





So Marg called me today and told me she got the EKG and MUGA results and everything is fine.
then she explained she randomized me to the Drug Study Computer and i will only recieve basic Chemo and I will get 6 rounds. Once, every 3 weeks. I'm not sure If I'm happy frustrated or sad aboutt his. When she called I cried cause it wasn't what the Dr. and I discussed as I remembered. I already feel I have lost control of what my choices are. i think I have just hit a over whelming wall and just began the frustration part. what kind of freaks me out is I haven't even started chemo yet.

A lot has happened

08/12/11
Ok so a lot has happened in 10 days where to begin.
Our 16th wedding anniversary was the 4th and we had decided the week prior that since I will have chemo we might as well take a quick mini vaca somewhere and so Nate, Cher & ! Discussed us coming to Seattle for a few days. So we are planning a trip 08/11 – 08/14 to just hang out with the Schmidt family.
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08/08/11 I went in and had a power port put into me so I won’t be as poked when they do chemo and less chances of collapsing a vein. SO to do this they have to this surgically. But they only make you doppy and not put you completely out. I didn’t like that part I was pretty far out in left field but I didn’t like that guy picking up the blue sheet asking me if I’m ok … I kept wondering where the hell I was and if I was seriously still alive. Since this is right under my left clavicle bone the draping was to close so I guess they just covered my head with it FREAK ME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG
SO I make it back to recovery the sweet lady for my nurse stayed with me from the minute they wheeled me in till she wheeled me out to the car. This lady cracked me up she read in the charts I was start chemo soon so she hooked me up with a to go bag she said lol you know them big patient belonging bags well half full of stuff….. Barff bags she said good to keep in the car to and from chemo and beside the bed, 3 boxes of gauze 4 x 4 pads, and enough of the clear awesome tape they like to use when they cover the ports from moving and getting wet. She said these are to keep my port area cleaned so I can shower. Then she threw in 13 double packs of saltine crackers 15 double packs of graham crackers and 6 chocolate pudding snack packs 8 of the ice pack bags and 4 of the head ice pack bags. This lady was really generous and said she really wanted to make sure I had the hook up when I go home lol.
08/10/11
Today Kris gray went with me to my Oncology radiation consult appt. well this Dr was so awesome and sweet he said he had a conference call with all 3 of my Drs on the team and discussed with them their options, he did a chart review, and then looked me over. He said in his oppion I didn’t meet any of the requirements to have radiation and he wouldn’t want to put me threw it if I didn’t need it so I will not be having radiation done. WHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i did go back over to my Chemo oncologist and signed paperwork to be in the drug study for chemo. I will start my chemo thursday August 18, 2011
I have the dates but not with my i will post them afgter I get back from my trip

08/11/11
Nate and I get up and head to Seattle. We are having a ball just hanging out being with their family got to love the Schmidt’s
Cher and I did figure out what she is doing for the table scape for Savor the Season’s table event
08/12/11
Today Cher and I dragged Nate around to good will and Value Village looking for things for the Savor the Season tables cape. Then we all caught up on Big Brother.
I have noticed I am really tired lately and emotionaly but it's to be expected oh well I'm breathing is what is more important!

Hey have you felt your boobies today......

08/02/11 Fill Up Appointment

08/02/11

Today I went to my plastics fill up extender appt. SO he goes in and give me a numbing shot Didn’t feel it anyways ha-ha. Then he added a needle with a port on it and from the port it had the IV tubing to a large syringe. But there was a second tube coming to the first tube. So the syringe had a valve that went to both IV tubes. The second tube went to the IV bag hanging behind the bed. It was really cool I can feel him push the fluid in WEIRD! Then he’d shut off the valve pull new fluid from the IV bag and open the port and push more in. I will try to get a picture at my next visit to show you all kind of weird but cool at the same time. However on my right boob (the bad one. When I say bad the one that had cancer in it and the one they had to take a lot off tissue out of and two of my nodes out ) he had poked me a few times before finding the correct area. The magnet didn’t work correctly go figure, my damn luck huh. So when he did stick me he had a hard time, I was stuck 2 times total. He noticed that I have a lot of fluid (swelling) still around the extender implant which he wasn’t expecting. After he found the correct area he tells me “ Well, I’m not going to lie about this but I am concerned that I might have poked and popped the extender” Geee thanks he didn’t lie about it but my damn luck…so what has he lied to me about I sat there wondering. How will I know if he popped the extender you’re wondering…. If I go flat or I notice I’m lookin flat. He never answered what if he did pop it he just avoided that. Well so once I’m filled with another 250 cc’s I’m taped with gauze and pushed out the door.

So now I have a total of 450cc’s in me and I feel the pressure. But I’m thinking and hoping that this will help from the funky feeling and pain I have been getting in my left implant area and armpit. Also hoping this will help from all the pain I get in the morning. I am always so tired and look forward to night time so I can sleep. Dr. said this is normal. But I know what is coming the very painful and pressure of the morning when I wake up. I have not been medicating when I know I’m just going to sit around the house, but it’s getting so bad I have to do something. The pressure and pain is getting to me. When I asked the Dr. if it’s normal I get a yup it’s common from him so I ask when does it quit. “As soon as you get your new implants” uuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I really don’t like this Doc he don’t really answer my questions he acts like he is always rushed grrrr.

A quick update of what's going on

07/28/11
I know it’s been awhile
However, I went to genetics Tuesday the 26th and they ran some blood work and I won’t know about the genetic testing for about 2 weeks. Basically they are going to find out if the cancer was genetic or not.
Today, I went to my oncology appt.
Wow walking feeling fine walk out overwhelmed.
I had a great friend Cher who happened to be in town go with me and she took notes for me.
No matter what I WILL have chemotherapy.
My oncologist, Dr, Mashrue said I could possibly be available for a drug study.
This will depend on some testing to see if I qualify for the study or not.
If I do I will receive Chemo and another drug also that has proven to help.
I have a lot of information to be going over in the next few days.
I will figure things out and fill ya all in later
Like I said walk in fine walk out overwhelmed and kind of confused.

Afterwards Cher took me to her sister in law to have my hair done for the reunion.
I was kind of nervous of how they were going to do it but I LOVE IT!!!!!
I won’t post a pict till after tmw night’s reunion. Sorry guys!

Time away

07/19/11
Time Away From My Blog.
If I haven't posted on my blog it's because I haven't really done anything.
Here’s the latest running through my mind.
The last few days I have done NOTHING but sleep. I am very tired and the HUGE black circles under my eyes show for it.
Today I had to go back up to Saffron's to have them re-measure me for my bras. The one she gave me was too tight and would have killed me with the prosthetics in it. I was given a new bra and the order was changed for the others.
I must have slept way WRONG last night as I have the worst pain in my neck and it’s not my hubby or kidos.
I am still wondering when these damn stitches come out ….. Killin me
The last thing on my mind OMG TMW is Bai’s 17th birthday … Holey Shit where did the time go…. I have no idea what to get him. He wants new PS3 games but they don’t come out till end of the year. UGGGH what to do …. DAMN I HATE waiting this long….Thanks Nate.
Well no apt. till next week so no real new info. until then sorry guys.

Totally Wiped out!

07/17/11
Totally Wiped out!
Today I got out of bed yes physically out of bed at 8:30am. Seems to be the wake up time for me now days. I go out to the living room and crashed in “THE BEAST” (recliner). Yes the beast, it’s really the name of the recliner. They are made for really tall people. They are taller and wider then a normal chair. Nate needed it and so instead of buying a his chair and her chair and them looking funny huge and small well he bought two. SO I’m all snuggled into my chair snoozing when I hear a familiar voice as someone opened the door. Debi and Wally showed up to visit with me. but I’m feeling like an idiot now as I’m still all snuggled up in my chair in my p.j.’s and lamby blanket with my makeup all left on from last night. Uuuuugh I knew I should’ve got off my ass and showered this am. But it was still a great visit from great people. As I know they don’t care but still. After they left I crashed again. Later in the day my phone rings its Michelle. Wow mother and daughter must have really been thinking of me today lol kind of funny one stops by and other calls lol. After a great phone call back to sleep I went. Wow I really only woke up to pee, visit with company, answer my phone, eat, or to go to bed. SO can you guess why I’m awake now………. BED TIME
I think yesterday made me tireder… yes tireder should be a word and yes I know it should be more tired but I am Marple you know and tireder sounds better to us lol.
I do think standing around yesterday and enjoying the fresh air, exhaust and a great cruise in over did it for me lol.
I feel the stretching happening my throat feels so tight to like pop my neck and my chest feels like I pulled a back muscle. Then the raw feeling OMG I wish that part would go away that is what bugs me the most. I’m so sensitive to that. These are the feelings that have been sparkin my emotions. Ugh just warring on me is all. I’m tired of the pains and aches already.

Cruising the Gut cruise down town Vancouver

07/16/11
Cruising the Gut cruise down town Vancouver.
Well today I woke up at 8:30 and was kind of amazed at the rain as today is the cruise in I love to go to. I stayed in bed till 1pm just watching TV and relaxing as much as possible in case the rain let up. So I then head to the living room and veg some more till 3 when I noticed the sun peeking out. I got all excited got ready to go. Skipped the hair wore the stuffed boobs lol. Nate, Colton and I headed down to Main Street. On the way down, I realized I forgot my pain meds. Uugh how the hell way I going to do this without them? I called Scott and Laura asked them to go ask mom and dad to give them my pain meds and if they would bring down to me when they come down to the cruise. I was so lucky they were able to get them and did bring them. I was totally panicked until they got there lol. Os we roll up to the beginning staging area for the cruise in and we noticed our usual spot across the street from Dairy Queen in a church parking lot was taken over by a car club… uuugh so disappointed. So we just headed down main cruise in with the pack when I noticed a parking spot woohoo . Nate muscled Sally in to parallel parking spot. WE were stoked with our location. Candi, Corey, Travis, Madisyn, Ray, & Dee all showed up and watched the cruise with us. My mom, dad, and Kelli came by for a few. So Did Reno and Cyndi. Also ran into a lot of friends from high school. What a great time. Well about 10pm we decided it was time to go. WE cruise the strip turn around to go the other direction and then oh let’s do it again he says. So we turn around and on our way back we pass Brent and Tammy McGee so we turned around again and found then where they parked and pulled over and chatted with them till 11:15pm decided it was way past our bed time and said our good byes. Nate turned around and headed back up the strip wow no one was still out so funny we closed the cruise in down lol last year it was still going way past midnight. 11:30pm we hit home and it hit me I was beat! Thank God, Scott and Laura got my meds from mom and dad before they left. What a help that was, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them. I’m kind of panicked now as I was only able to wear the bra and stuffed boobs for about ¾ of the time while I was there. I don’t know what I’m going to do for the class reunion coming up in 2 weeks. Uugh.

07/15/11 My day today

My day today...
I had to get up this am and call in to Dr. office and give them the right drain output. 20.5ml’s My nurse Jane said to come on in at 10:30am and they would take out the drain. Why didn’t they just do it the night before what a waste of a trip and another $15.00 copay. I get mom and dad to take me down there get the drain removed and I remembered to ask Jane what stage it was so here ya go

PT2 PN0 Stage 2 Invasive ductal Carcinoma
SO in our words not Doctor terms
I have stage two Invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer
Below is a definition of what stage two breast cancer is I am stage 2A #3

Definition:
Stage II breast cancer (... brest KAN-ser)
Stage II breast cancer is divided into stages IIA and IIB. In stage IIA, (1) no tumor is found in the breast, but cancer is found in the maxillary (under the arm) lymph nodes; or (2) the tumor is 2 centimeters or smaller and has spread to the axillaries lymph nodes; or (3) the tumor is larger than 2 centimeters but not larger than 5 centimeters and has not spread to the axillaries lymph nodes. In stage IIB, the tumor is (1) larger than 2 centimeters but not larger than 5 centimeters and has spread to the auxiliary lymph nodes; or (2) larger than 5 centimeters but has not spread to the auxiliary lymph nodes.

So I got my drain out today and wow what a difference … This drain hurt like hell when she pulled it out, talk about burn. But what a difference it makes I can sit differently and bend over now. I did notice my chest feel really tight & heavy today. She said she notices that I’m not as swollen on my chest area and so I’m actually feeling the tightness of the muscle wall and the implants. OH BOY! This may not be as I expected. It’s almost like when you pull a muscle in your back. But mine is being stretched every time I breathe. My arm pits are so swollen still and hurt I just wish that would go away and then I could deal with the chest issue.

Well so I go meet Kris, Joe, & Dail for lunch today at our usual spot lol Red Robin. Had a blast hanging out, and hearin Dail bash the high school reunion. Joe dropped Kris and me off at the mall to go shopping for the reunion. So we walk into Torrid right. We start grabbing some clothes to try on and then all of a sudden the sales lady comes up to us and says “Can I get you ladies a dressing room?” we both say sure and hand her our piles of clothes and she then turns back to us and says “Would you ladies like to share a room?” I say I knew we were close but not that close and Kris says “UUUUUGGGH NO THANKS!” I then say “I know you’ve touched me in places most haven’t but geeze” and I start bustin up laughing … (I was talking about I made Kris feel the lump on my right breast on how big it was before they took it out and it’s been kind of a joke between us) and now I got some chick asking if we’d want to share a fitting room I mean really … I know I cut my hair short and yes it’s manly but seriously come on now. OMG!

(Kris this all started with you and them damn shoes on our Cher nappin trip and sharing a bed) I lay all blame on you chica!

So we both found dresses to wear to the reunion now I need to worry about if I’m wearing a wig or not and if I’m wearing boobs or not … rolling on floor laughing.

I had a great day today and it felt good to get out of the house for a bit too. Thanks guys you are great friends Love you all

07/14/11 Post opp with General surgeon

07/14/11 Post opp with General surgeon
Well I had a post opp appt at 4:15pm with Dr. Cowgill my general surgeon tonight. She is so sweet I really like this lady. So I made sure I gave her a card and her nurse Jane who was the one who broke the news of cancer to me on how sweet and caring they are and how I felt so at ease and like they really cared for me and my health. They both hugged me and said it meant a lot that I did that for them. I’m thinking what’s a little card they are the ones who made me feel like it’s ok and we can do this as a team.
Anyways appt went well. Dr. Cowgill didn’t feel comfy taking out the right drain yet as there was still too much output from it for that day but she thought maybe tmw or Monday and I was to call in tmw. morning with the output results and she will make a decision then.
We then went over both pathology reports as I had two one from the biopsy and one from surgery. Well they both said the same thing lol duh it would be funny if they didn’t. My mass was 4.0x 3.6x 3.0 cm she didn’t tell me what stage it was considered. My Margins were all good which means no cancer anywhere else. My two lymph nodes didn't have any cancer in there. My mass was estrogen-positive or progesterone-positive. This is all I know besides I am referred off to oncology

07/14/11 How do you feel?

How do I feel?
Well the questions are coming now I’m a little over a week out of surgery.
Well honestly…
Like shit. I ache, my chest feels like when you pull a muscle in your back. No matter how you move it hurts and aches. I was able to get my left side drain tube out on Tuesday which is so nice but my right drain tube is the pain in my ass. It is the one that hurts to move the cord. Speaking of the cord, it is way too long and I HATE to have to deal with stripping the cord and draining it. It just about turns my stomach every time I look at it.
I have boobs under my arms. Yep you read that right. I have huge swollen armpits I guess you’d call it. I call it boob 3 and 4. It’s disgusting. I am constantly icing my arm pits and they hurt. Today I will talk to general surgeon about it but it just hurts. Most of my pain is in my right arm pit with the swelling of this area and from the removal of my lymph nodes in that area. (They took out 2 nodes)
I did call the doc on Monday and got new pain meds but they are the ones I’m allergic to. So I have to take Benadryl 30 minutes prior to take my pain meds. What a pain.

I am sick of sitting and lying around lol seriously though. But I get so tired just going to a Dr. Appt. Wish I could figure something out.

So yesterday I went and got measured for the new bras and prosthesis. Wow, wasn’t figuring out of pocket would be so much. Our coverage for DME is 80% 20% they pay the 80% we pay 20% out of pocket. SO the bras are kind of cool I can wear them after I have my implants so I won’t feel like that is waste of money and Kaiser is making me get 4 bras at $37.21 yeah do the math $148.84 then the prosthesis well are you sitting down. Ok $284.28 per side. Yup you read that right. $568.56 so total is $717.40 so my out of pocket is $143.48 Nate is stressing at the money side of this which makes me feel guilty. SO I have to wait 2 weeks then i get my fake boobs.

Then I came home and called Kaiser Membership services and discussed how treatments will be billed and found out that I have a $600.00 out of pocket spending allowance. Which I thought was great. Nate kind of panics, when I explain that every visit will be $15.00 copay. Then once we reach the limit we’re done paying for the year. Hopefully that will easy his stress.

Well off to nap write soon !

7 days after post opp with plastic surgeon

07/12/11
7 days after
Post opp consult with plastic surgeon
I woke up not feeling good at all kind of a tummy ache I guess you’d say. I get over to Sunnybrook in Clackamas, Or. I go in and before I check in I go to membership services and let them know I’ve been having troubles with the attitude from the surgeon. He tells me at anytime I can just be referred by my general surgeon to a new plastic surgeon no questions asked. This eased my mind a lot. I check in and go to the appointment. The nurse comes in unwraps me from my compress and the pressure feels good but hurts the longer I sit there without it. Dr. comes in takes off the foam tape that was on the incisions which had silver nitrate on it so my skin is black from where that was but it felt so good not to have tape covering them anymore. Doc took out the drain on my left side but kept the one on my right as I still have a lot of out take from it. He said I seem to be swollen but nothing to be too concerned about. I asked about the implants if they were flattened or of they have something in them and he said there is 200cc’s in them now which I was shocked about. I am scheduled to come back to see him Friday if I have under 30cc outtake from my right drain to have it taken out. He seemed very nice today and caring he even touched my shoulder and rubbed it and said take care and see you friday as he left the room. ( I was yellin in my head ) Who was that? and what did you do with my surgeon? I still just don’t feel good and kind of lounged around after I got home. Having a hard time sleeping at night last night and tonight was my first few nights back in bed but propped up on couch pillows. Just wish my tummy would feel better.
I did take picts with all my wraps off but I just don’t know if I’m comfy enough yet to post them if I will at all.

day 6 after ... Look Good Feel Better

Look Good Feel Better


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...

07/11/11
6 days after
Look Good Feel Better
Today I was scheduled and noon to be at the Look good Feel Better class that the American Cancer Society puts on for any and all cancer patients. Kris Gray and I went to the class and had so much fun listening to other women who have been threw their journey and battles with cancer. The class is a great way to lift your spirits and interact with others that are going through a battle like you are. Another way to show you are not alone. You are given a kit and in this kit are skin and make up products that were donated to you from all different companies. I was so amazed at all the kits. Each one was different as each one of us is differant. We each were able to take wig also if we wanted. So I took another wig and will donate all wigs when I am done. I actually like this one more than the one I got from the cancer closet. As Kris and I got on the elevator Jannaugh (probley spelt that wrong sorry) a lady from the class had started asking me about my surgery and didn’t realize I was only 6 days out of surgery. She had been doing radiation and chemo then will do a double mastectomy and reconstruction. Which we are just reversed in the process. It felt good to be able to tell someone some of the warnings before surgery as I didn’t have anyone warning me I wouldn’t be able to do certain things. Like wipe myself or more your arms from the elbows to our shoulders. So it was nice to pass on some of the things I had learned and prepared for. This class really brought out such a positivity in me looking at these other women and feeling the I can Kick cancers ass attitude.
I was beat the rest of the day but it was really worth it.
If you know anyone who is going threw a battle of cancer and you feel they can benifit from this class please contact the americian Cancer socitey and ask for the local Look Good Feel Better class. They are nation wide classes.

5 days after waisted day

07/10/11
5 days after

Today thought I’d get up walk around a bit, and get dressed but that didn’t last long. I was napping before 9am and before I realized it, it was time for bed. I basicly peed, ate , and slept all day what a waist of a day lol Maybe I over did it yesterday

day four after

07/09/11
4 days after

I felt really good as I feel I got some sleep last night. I got up and actually got completely dressed for the first time. Dr said I was starting to get a sinus infection and thought I should sit outside to get fresh air. So as I’m sitting outside my friend Christy Choate and her boyfriend Steve stop by to visit. It was good to finally see Christy again, it’s been awhile. I think I disgusted Steve talking about surgery ect. hehehe what a way to impress someone hahaha first time meeting someone probley shouldn’t have been a few days after major surgery. It felt good not to be sitting or lying down all the time. However I noticed I couldn’t stand for long either though. Later in the day Kris Gray stopped by and we chatted it up for a few and she left a chair side table all decored up for me. Gotta love that girl she sure does know how to make you feel comfy. Nate and Colton went to our favorite car show, The Big shindig down town Vancouver. He met Jason and the rest of them down there. I was sad I couldn’t go but I wouldn’t have made it health wise. Nate had to leave around 4:30 to take Colton to a birthday party and to come home to help me as my parents left and I was alone. But he really enjoyed the show this year. I felt ok enough He took Bailey , gunnar, and I to Shari’s for dinner but I all night crashed as soon as we got home I only woke up to pee but slept other then bathroom breaks.

3 days after

07/08/11
3 days after
I didn’t sleep but maybe a minute here or there. I even want to get on the computer. Nate brings it to me and we get it all set up and as soon as I start typing he notices I’m fallin asleep head bobbin. I just don’t have any energy. Nate has to help me in and out of the chair, assist me in the bathroom as I can’t move my arms from the elbows up to my shoulders.
Nothing shows how much you love someone when you have to assist them in the bathroom. Talk about love support, dedication, and proving how much you care for someone when you have to assist them.
I never thought I’d ever have to rely on someone to help me with this and I NEVER expected Nate to be the first to stand up and just do it, no complaints. No matter how bad I feel I totally feel love surrounding me from my friends, family, and Nate. Love you all

Two days after…worst morning ever

07/07/11
Two days after…

I wake up to the nurses talking about me in the hall. (Shift change) They come in and intro duce the new nurse to me. I ask if I’m allowed to get up on my own she is very nice tells me only if I call for help to get back in to bed. She tells me I’m not due for any meds till 9am asks if there is anything she can do for me till then I tell her maybe just bring me 4 new bags of ice and some fresh ice water when she comes she wrote it on the patient med list and said she will bring it all at the same time.
At 7 am I ordered my breakfast. Yes it is like ordering room service so weird to me. As I was done eating my plastics surgeon came in for morning rounds about 7:10am Dr. Jewitt does the same as the day before flings the bed table across the room yanks blankets down pulls compress down and starts poking around. Then states I can go home and I will be discharged today. I tell him thank God I stayed the night there was no way I couldn’t do it that night at home. I then ask him how soon will I be able to get… he interrupts me and says you’ll start getting saline injections in 4 -6 weeks. I then said get the compress off???? He never listens to me fully he always interrupts me or just doesn’t pay attention to what I just asked. I then told him I felt like it was bunching up on the sides he inhales deeply and then rewashes his hands comes over unties my gown from the back and looks at both sides of me, states it’s the way I wrapped it is fine. Washes his hands and walks out the door. At this time I’m welling up with tears I’m tired of this guy treating me like this he never listens fully and is very short with me then he just left me hanging open I can’t lift my arms to pull my gown up ( ASS HOLE ) I was flipping him the bird as he walked out of the room and my night nurse walked in and giggled but she must have known I was upset she had a wash cloth in her hand and went to the bathroom and got it wet and then came and wiped my face with it. Love this lady .I must have dozed off because at 9am I woke up had to pee. I go through the process to get out of bed. As I’m in the bathroom I hear a voice in a distance saying “Hello, can I help you….Hello, do you need assistance???” when I realized I must have accidently pushed the nurse call button when I got out of bed I yell “ I’m in the bathroom and I need assistance getting back into bed” the lady on the other end tells me and I quote “ I’m on my way” I finish up wash my hands and slowly waddle back to the bed and on the way my gown falls to the floor and ,I almost tripped on it. I look at the clock it’s 9:05am No nurse so Get to the side of the bed and push the nurse call button “I need help getting in to bed.” The same voice tells me I’m on my way. I’m standing there naked trying to pick up the gown off the ground with my foot but not succeeding. Getting tired of standing, it’s hard to breathe, my chest hurts, I now noticing the temperature in the room, still no nurse. I look at the clock and realize it’s been 5 minutes of trying to pick up the stupid gown off the ground and I’m naked. I push the nurse call button again and I get the same lady and I tell her I am out of bed I can’t get in without help and I have been paging them. “MAAME I’M ON MY WAY” as I go to respond I hear her hang up. I yell this is bullshit thinking maybe someone outside in the hall would hear me but no such luck. So my legs are week and I sit on the edge of the bed which still hurts my chest due to the pressure of sitting up. I was able to reach my cell phone that was on my bed and call Nate asking him how close he was (he called me telling me he was on his way as I got out of bed to pee) He was only at Johnson Creek blvd. one exit away I tell him to hurry up as I have been out of bed since he called me and I explain my gown fell I’m naked and can’t get into bed and no one is coming from the nurses desk. WE hang up I page the nurses desk again now 9:20am I get no answer this time. I notice my bell isn’t sounding outside my door. I page again. I had to stand up a little easier to breathe I’m now noticing I’m getting very upset I feel tears welling up and stinging my eyes. There is a knock on my door and this very loud lady opens the door turns off the nurse call button inside the door but keeps the curtain closed and says “MAME, they will be with you when they can your nurse is busy” I yell at this point and tears start fallen I just don’t understand why you can’t help me get into bed she just came back with mame mame you’re fine and your nurse is busy she will be with you when she is done. I then blurt all I need is help getting in to bed so what’s wrong with your fat ass. Mame I’m sorry she will be with you when she is done and then the lady had to balls to shut the door and walk away I sob seriously lost it. Standing there naked I yell in between sobs “WHY ME?? OMG!!! YOU FAT FUCKIN BITCH! I JUST ON’T UNDERSTAND! ” I look at the clock it is now 9:30 I can’t believe I have been standing there naked almost 30 minutes I hurt so bad and sobbing doesn’t help the pain at all. I then hear the door slam against the wall the curtain fly open it’s the “ FAT FUCKIN BITCH” and my nurse asking what’s wrong I then in between sob tell her don’t act like you don’t know she states why are3 you naked. I explain my Dr. left my gown untied when I got up to pee it feel and I almost tripped on it I have been paging for help since 9:05 no one would come they oh wait you kept telling me you were on your way it’s hard to talk I’m sobbing but I get it all out as my legs start to give out from under me and I barley hit the edge of the bed. As I started to go down the “FAT FUCKIN BITCH “ nurse grabs my legs out from under me and flings them on the bed. As I barley hit the edge of the bed with my right hip I landed on the right shoulder. Major pain shooting threw the chest. I’m to only be on my back. This broad left me laying like this and walked out of the room and my nurse is saying Jill what is going on why are you so upset. Really seriously did she not just hear me tell her? Nate walks in and to the other side of the bed helps me lay correctly in bed then just starts rubbing my arm trying to get me to calm down I tell him what is going on in between sobs yes still sobbing if not worse since I saw him. My nurse kept apologizing telling me this is the first she knew that I needed help. I told her it’s hard enough for me to ask for help, then when I do have to rely on someone else I get treated like that and I’m expected to trust them No way! She apologized again said she will go get my meds, ice packs , and ice water when she stumbled and my left arm gets pulled forward and hurts really bad then I realized she tripped on my IV port cord and is pulling my arm out. I then Yell and reach with my right arm which hurt to pull my left arm back but she stumbled again and is now starting to pull the tape and port out of my arm. She slowly gained her stance apologized and I then look at Nate still sobbing and now this one tries to yank my port out. She just walked out of the room as Nate is stuck trying to calm me down. My nurse comes back in apologizes a million times, packs me with ice , medicates me, and tells me she will rush my discharge papers because all I kept saying is I just want to go home. After calming down Dr. Albert’s came in told me we are good to go home and answered a few of my questions. Nate starts to pack up some of my things and gets a phone call from Archie Somer’s, from Somer’s racing. He asked Nate to go pick up a part in Troutdale for Sally. Nate tells him we are getting discharged and he will then go get it after he gets me home. We get all the paperwork done and Nate helps me get dressed and took a load out to the car. He came back and grabbed another load of stuff, flowers ect. Then went and got the car. I had a porter wheel me down to the car and Nater helps me in once packed in the car we leave. On the way every damn bump, turn, and shift of the gears hurts. On the way I told Nate it made no since to go home and then turn around and go get the parts in Troutdale just go get them even though it hurt. I didn’t want to be away from him after the morning I just had. When we finally got home I realized I had set the bedroom up thinking I could go to bed. I get home and tears burning the eyes I had to sleep in the recliner. The beast chairs are called that because they are huge I have to mount and dismount the hairs even when I am feeling fine they are made for tall people like Nate not short shits like me. So for me to get in and out of the chair Nate has to help me even to get in it let alone, sit up and get out of it. I slept in the beast and Nate slept on the couch. He was up anytime I needed him. He is so awesome to me. The things he has been threw and so supportive.