Thursday, July 28, 2011

A quick update of what's going on

I know it’s been awhile
However, I went to genetics Tuesday the 26th and they ran some blood work and I won’t know about the genetic testing for about 2 weeks. Basically they are going to find out if the cancer was genetic or not.
Today, I went to my oncology appt.
Wow walking feeling fine walk out overwhelmed.
I had a great friend Cher who happened to be in town go with me and she took notes for me.
No matter what I WILL have chemotherapy.
My oncologist, Dr, Mashrue said I could possibly be available for a drug study.
This will depend on some testing to see if I qualify for the study or not.
If I do I will receive Chemo and another drug also that has proven to help.
I have a lot of information to be going over in the next few days.
I will figure things out and fill ya all in later
Like I said walk in fine walk out overwhelmed and kind of confused.

Afterwards Cher took me to her sister in law to have my hair done for the reunion.
I was kind of nervous of how they were going to do it but I LOVE IT!!!!!
I won’t post a pict till after tmw night’s reunion. Sorry guys!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Time away

Time Away From My Blog.
If I haven't posted on my blog it's because I haven't really done anything.
Here’s the latest running through my mind.
The last few days I have done NOTHING but sleep. I am very tired and the HUGE black circles under my eyes show for it.
Today I had to go back up to Saffron's to have them re-measure me for my bras. The one she gave me was too tight and would have killed me with the prosthetics in it. I was given a new bra and the order was changed for the others.
I must have slept way WRONG last night as I have the worst pain in my neck and it’s not my hubby or kidos.
I am still wondering when these damn stitches come out ….. Killin me
The last thing on my mind OMG TMW is Bai’s 17th birthday … Holey Shit where did the time go…. I have no idea what to get him. He wants new PS3 games but they don’t come out till end of the year. UGGGH what to do …. DAMN I HATE waiting this long….Thanks Nate.
Well no apt. till next week so no real new info. until then sorry guys.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Totally Wiped out!

Totally Wiped out!
Today I got out of bed yes physically out of bed at 8:30am. Seems to be the wake up time for me now days. I go out to the living room and crashed in “THE BEAST” (recliner). Yes the beast, it’s really the name of the recliner. They are made for really tall people. They are taller and wider then a normal chair. Nate needed it and so instead of buying a his chair and her chair and them looking funny huge and small well he bought two. SO I’m all snuggled into my chair snoozing when I hear a familiar voice as someone opened the door. Debi and Wally showed up to visit with me. but I’m feeling like an idiot now as I’m still all snuggled up in my chair in my p.j.’s and lamby blanket with my makeup all left on from last night. Uuuuugh I knew I should’ve got off my ass and showered this am. But it was still a great visit from great people. As I know they don’t care but still. After they left I crashed again. Later in the day my phone rings its Michelle. Wow mother and daughter must have really been thinking of me today lol kind of funny one stops by and other calls lol. After a great phone call back to sleep I went. Wow I really only woke up to pee, visit with company, answer my phone, eat, or to go to bed. SO can you guess why I’m awake now………. BED TIME
I think yesterday made me tireder… yes tireder should be a word and yes I know it should be more tired but I am Marple you know and tireder sounds better to us lol.
I do think standing around yesterday and enjoying the fresh air, exhaust and a great cruise in over did it for me lol.
I feel the stretching happening my throat feels so tight to like pop my neck and my chest feels like I pulled a back muscle. Then the raw feeling OMG I wish that part would go away that is what bugs me the most. I’m so sensitive to that. These are the feelings that have been sparkin my emotions. Ugh just warring on me is all. I’m tired of the pains and aches already.

Cruising the Gut cruise down town Vancouver

Cruising the Gut cruise down town Vancouver.
Well today I woke up at 8:30 and was kind of amazed at the rain as today is the cruise in I love to go to. I stayed in bed till 1pm just watching TV and relaxing as much as possible in case the rain let up. So I then head to the living room and veg some more till 3 when I noticed the sun peeking out. I got all excited got ready to go. Skipped the hair wore the stuffed boobs lol. Nate, Colton and I headed down to Main Street. On the way down, I realized I forgot my pain meds. Uugh how the hell way I going to do this without them? I called Scott and Laura asked them to go ask mom and dad to give them my pain meds and if they would bring down to me when they come down to the cruise. I was so lucky they were able to get them and did bring them. I was totally panicked until they got there lol. Os we roll up to the beginning staging area for the cruise in and we noticed our usual spot across the street from Dairy Queen in a church parking lot was taken over by a car club… uuugh so disappointed. So we just headed down main cruise in with the pack when I noticed a parking spot woohoo . Nate muscled Sally in to parallel parking spot. WE were stoked with our location. Candi, Corey, Travis, Madisyn, Ray, & Dee all showed up and watched the cruise with us. My mom, dad, and Kelli came by for a few. So Did Reno and Cyndi. Also ran into a lot of friends from high school. What a great time. Well about 10pm we decided it was time to go. WE cruise the strip turn around to go the other direction and then oh let’s do it again he says. So we turn around and on our way back we pass Brent and Tammy McGee so we turned around again and found then where they parked and pulled over and chatted with them till 11:15pm decided it was way past our bed time and said our good byes. Nate turned around and headed back up the strip wow no one was still out so funny we closed the cruise in down lol last year it was still going way past midnight. 11:30pm we hit home and it hit me I was beat! Thank God, Scott and Laura got my meds from mom and dad before they left. What a help that was, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them. I’m kind of panicked now as I was only able to wear the bra and stuffed boobs for about ¾ of the time while I was there. I don’t know what I’m going to do for the class reunion coming up in 2 weeks. Uugh.

Friday, July 15, 2011

07/15/11 My day today

My day today...
I had to get up this am and call in to Dr. office and give them the right drain output. 20.5ml’s My nurse Jane said to come on in at 10:30am and they would take out the drain. Why didn’t they just do it the night before what a waste of a trip and another $15.00 copay. I get mom and dad to take me down there get the drain removed and I remembered to ask Jane what stage it was so here ya go

PT2 PN0 Stage 2 Invasive ductal Carcinoma
SO in our words not Doctor terms
I have stage two Invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer
Below is a definition of what stage two breast cancer is I am stage 2A #3

Stage II breast cancer (... brest KAN-ser)
Stage II breast cancer is divided into stages IIA and IIB. In stage IIA, (1) no tumor is found in the breast, but cancer is found in the maxillary (under the arm) lymph nodes; or (2) the tumor is 2 centimeters or smaller and has spread to the axillaries lymph nodes; or (3) the tumor is larger than 2 centimeters but not larger than 5 centimeters and has not spread to the axillaries lymph nodes. In stage IIB, the tumor is (1) larger than 2 centimeters but not larger than 5 centimeters and has spread to the auxiliary lymph nodes; or (2) larger than 5 centimeters but has not spread to the auxiliary lymph nodes.

So I got my drain out today and wow what a difference … This drain hurt like hell when she pulled it out, talk about burn. But what a difference it makes I can sit differently and bend over now. I did notice my chest feel really tight & heavy today. She said she notices that I’m not as swollen on my chest area and so I’m actually feeling the tightness of the muscle wall and the implants. OH BOY! This may not be as I expected. It’s almost like when you pull a muscle in your back. But mine is being stretched every time I breathe. My arm pits are so swollen still and hurt I just wish that would go away and then I could deal with the chest issue.

Well so I go meet Kris, Joe, & Dail for lunch today at our usual spot lol Red Robin. Had a blast hanging out, and hearin Dail bash the high school reunion. Joe dropped Kris and me off at the mall to go shopping for the reunion. So we walk into Torrid right. We start grabbing some clothes to try on and then all of a sudden the sales lady comes up to us and says “Can I get you ladies a dressing room?” we both say sure and hand her our piles of clothes and she then turns back to us and says “Would you ladies like to share a room?” I say I knew we were close but not that close and Kris says “UUUUUGGGH NO THANKS!” I then say “I know you’ve touched me in places most haven’t but geeze” and I start bustin up laughing … (I was talking about I made Kris feel the lump on my right breast on how big it was before they took it out and it’s been kind of a joke between us) and now I got some chick asking if we’d want to share a fitting room I mean really … I know I cut my hair short and yes it’s manly but seriously come on now. OMG!

(Kris this all started with you and them damn shoes on our Cher nappin trip and sharing a bed) I lay all blame on you chica!

So we both found dresses to wear to the reunion now I need to worry about if I’m wearing a wig or not and if I’m wearing boobs or not … rolling on floor laughing.

I had a great day today and it felt good to get out of the house for a bit too. Thanks guys you are great friends Love you all

07/14/11 Post opp with General surgeon

07/14/11 Post opp with General surgeon
Well I had a post opp appt at 4:15pm with Dr. Cowgill my general surgeon tonight. She is so sweet I really like this lady. So I made sure I gave her a card and her nurse Jane who was the one who broke the news of cancer to me on how sweet and caring they are and how I felt so at ease and like they really cared for me and my health. They both hugged me and said it meant a lot that I did that for them. I’m thinking what’s a little card they are the ones who made me feel like it’s ok and we can do this as a team.
Anyways appt went well. Dr. Cowgill didn’t feel comfy taking out the right drain yet as there was still too much output from it for that day but she thought maybe tmw or Monday and I was to call in tmw. morning with the output results and she will make a decision then.
We then went over both pathology reports as I had two one from the biopsy and one from surgery. Well they both said the same thing lol duh it would be funny if they didn’t. My mass was 4.0x 3.6x 3.0 cm she didn’t tell me what stage it was considered. My Margins were all good which means no cancer anywhere else. My two lymph nodes didn't have any cancer in there. My mass was estrogen-positive or progesterone-positive. This is all I know besides I am referred off to oncology

Thursday, July 14, 2011

07/14/11 How do you feel?

How do I feel?
Well the questions are coming now I’m a little over a week out of surgery.
Well honestly…
Like shit. I ache, my chest feels like when you pull a muscle in your back. No matter how you move it hurts and aches. I was able to get my left side drain tube out on Tuesday which is so nice but my right drain tube is the pain in my ass. It is the one that hurts to move the cord. Speaking of the cord, it is way too long and I HATE to have to deal with stripping the cord and draining it. It just about turns my stomach every time I look at it.
I have boobs under my arms. Yep you read that right. I have huge swollen armpits I guess you’d call it. I call it boob 3 and 4. It’s disgusting. I am constantly icing my arm pits and they hurt. Today I will talk to general surgeon about it but it just hurts. Most of my pain is in my right arm pit with the swelling of this area and from the removal of my lymph nodes in that area. (They took out 2 nodes)
I did call the doc on Monday and got new pain meds but they are the ones I’m allergic to. So I have to take Benadryl 30 minutes prior to take my pain meds. What a pain.

I am sick of sitting and lying around lol seriously though. But I get so tired just going to a Dr. Appt. Wish I could figure something out.

So yesterday I went and got measured for the new bras and prosthesis. Wow, wasn’t figuring out of pocket would be so much. Our coverage for DME is 80% 20% they pay the 80% we pay 20% out of pocket. SO the bras are kind of cool I can wear them after I have my implants so I won’t feel like that is waste of money and Kaiser is making me get 4 bras at $37.21 yeah do the math $148.84 then the prosthesis well are you sitting down. Ok $284.28 per side. Yup you read that right. $568.56 so total is $717.40 so my out of pocket is $143.48 Nate is stressing at the money side of this which makes me feel guilty. SO I have to wait 2 weeks then i get my fake boobs.

Then I came home and called Kaiser Membership services and discussed how treatments will be billed and found out that I have a $600.00 out of pocket spending allowance. Which I thought was great. Nate kind of panics, when I explain that every visit will be $15.00 copay. Then once we reach the limit we’re done paying for the year. Hopefully that will easy his stress.

Well off to nap write soon !

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

7 days after post opp with plastic surgeon

7 days after
Post opp consult with plastic surgeon
I woke up not feeling good at all kind of a tummy ache I guess you’d say. I get over to Sunnybrook in Clackamas, Or. I go in and before I check in I go to membership services and let them know I’ve been having troubles with the attitude from the surgeon. He tells me at anytime I can just be referred by my general surgeon to a new plastic surgeon no questions asked. This eased my mind a lot. I check in and go to the appointment. The nurse comes in unwraps me from my compress and the pressure feels good but hurts the longer I sit there without it. Dr. comes in takes off the foam tape that was on the incisions which had silver nitrate on it so my skin is black from where that was but it felt so good not to have tape covering them anymore. Doc took out the drain on my left side but kept the one on my right as I still have a lot of out take from it. He said I seem to be swollen but nothing to be too concerned about. I asked about the implants if they were flattened or of they have something in them and he said there is 200cc’s in them now which I was shocked about. I am scheduled to come back to see him Friday if I have under 30cc outtake from my right drain to have it taken out. He seemed very nice today and caring he even touched my shoulder and rubbed it and said take care and see you friday as he left the room. ( I was yellin in my head ) Who was that? and what did you do with my surgeon? I still just don’t feel good and kind of lounged around after I got home. Having a hard time sleeping at night last night and tonight was my first few nights back in bed but propped up on couch pillows. Just wish my tummy would feel better.
I did take picts with all my wraps off but I just don’t know if I’m comfy enough yet to post them if I will at all.

day 6 after ... Look Good Feel Better

Look Good Feel Better



6 days after
Look Good Feel Better
Today I was scheduled and noon to be at the Look good Feel Better class that the American Cancer Society puts on for any and all cancer patients. Kris Gray and I went to the class and had so much fun listening to other women who have been threw their journey and battles with cancer. The class is a great way to lift your spirits and interact with others that are going through a battle like you are. Another way to show you are not alone. You are given a kit and in this kit are skin and make up products that were donated to you from all different companies. I was so amazed at all the kits. Each one was different as each one of us is differant. We each were able to take wig also if we wanted. So I took another wig and will donate all wigs when I am done. I actually like this one more than the one I got from the cancer closet. As Kris and I got on the elevator Jannaugh (probley spelt that wrong sorry) a lady from the class had started asking me about my surgery and didn’t realize I was only 6 days out of surgery. She had been doing radiation and chemo then will do a double mastectomy and reconstruction. Which we are just reversed in the process. It felt good to be able to tell someone some of the warnings before surgery as I didn’t have anyone warning me I wouldn’t be able to do certain things. Like wipe myself or more your arms from the elbows to our shoulders. So it was nice to pass on some of the things I had learned and prepared for. This class really brought out such a positivity in me looking at these other women and feeling the I can Kick cancers ass attitude.
I was beat the rest of the day but it was really worth it.
If you know anyone who is going threw a battle of cancer and you feel they can benifit from this class please contact the americian Cancer socitey and ask for the local Look Good Feel Better class. They are nation wide classes.

5 days after waisted day

5 days after

Today thought I’d get up walk around a bit, and get dressed but that didn’t last long. I was napping before 9am and before I realized it, it was time for bed. I basicly peed, ate , and slept all day what a waist of a day lol Maybe I over did it yesterday

day four after

4 days after

I felt really good as I feel I got some sleep last night. I got up and actually got completely dressed for the first time. Dr said I was starting to get a sinus infection and thought I should sit outside to get fresh air. So as I’m sitting outside my friend Christy Choate and her boyfriend Steve stop by to visit. It was good to finally see Christy again, it’s been awhile. I think I disgusted Steve talking about surgery ect. hehehe what a way to impress someone hahaha first time meeting someone probley shouldn’t have been a few days after major surgery. It felt good not to be sitting or lying down all the time. However I noticed I couldn’t stand for long either though. Later in the day Kris Gray stopped by and we chatted it up for a few and she left a chair side table all decored up for me. Gotta love that girl she sure does know how to make you feel comfy. Nate and Colton went to our favorite car show, The Big shindig down town Vancouver. He met Jason and the rest of them down there. I was sad I couldn’t go but I wouldn’t have made it health wise. Nate had to leave around 4:30 to take Colton to a birthday party and to come home to help me as my parents left and I was alone. But he really enjoyed the show this year. I felt ok enough He took Bailey , gunnar, and I to Shari’s for dinner but I all night crashed as soon as we got home I only woke up to pee but slept other then bathroom breaks.

3 days after

3 days after
I didn’t sleep but maybe a minute here or there. I even want to get on the computer. Nate brings it to me and we get it all set up and as soon as I start typing he notices I’m fallin asleep head bobbin. I just don’t have any energy. Nate has to help me in and out of the chair, assist me in the bathroom as I can’t move my arms from the elbows up to my shoulders.
Nothing shows how much you love someone when you have to assist them in the bathroom. Talk about love support, dedication, and proving how much you care for someone when you have to assist them.
I never thought I’d ever have to rely on someone to help me with this and I NEVER expected Nate to be the first to stand up and just do it, no complaints. No matter how bad I feel I totally feel love surrounding me from my friends, family, and Nate. Love you all

Two days after…worst morning ever

Two days after…

I wake up to the nurses talking about me in the hall. (Shift change) They come in and intro duce the new nurse to me. I ask if I’m allowed to get up on my own she is very nice tells me only if I call for help to get back in to bed. She tells me I’m not due for any meds till 9am asks if there is anything she can do for me till then I tell her maybe just bring me 4 new bags of ice and some fresh ice water when she comes she wrote it on the patient med list and said she will bring it all at the same time.
At 7 am I ordered my breakfast. Yes it is like ordering room service so weird to me. As I was done eating my plastics surgeon came in for morning rounds about 7:10am Dr. Jewitt does the same as the day before flings the bed table across the room yanks blankets down pulls compress down and starts poking around. Then states I can go home and I will be discharged today. I tell him thank God I stayed the night there was no way I couldn’t do it that night at home. I then ask him how soon will I be able to get… he interrupts me and says you’ll start getting saline injections in 4 -6 weeks. I then said get the compress off???? He never listens to me fully he always interrupts me or just doesn’t pay attention to what I just asked. I then told him I felt like it was bunching up on the sides he inhales deeply and then rewashes his hands comes over unties my gown from the back and looks at both sides of me, states it’s the way I wrapped it is fine. Washes his hands and walks out the door. At this time I’m welling up with tears I’m tired of this guy treating me like this he never listens fully and is very short with me then he just left me hanging open I can’t lift my arms to pull my gown up ( ASS HOLE ) I was flipping him the bird as he walked out of the room and my night nurse walked in and giggled but she must have known I was upset she had a wash cloth in her hand and went to the bathroom and got it wet and then came and wiped my face with it. Love this lady .I must have dozed off because at 9am I woke up had to pee. I go through the process to get out of bed. As I’m in the bathroom I hear a voice in a distance saying “Hello, can I help you….Hello, do you need assistance???” when I realized I must have accidently pushed the nurse call button when I got out of bed I yell “ I’m in the bathroom and I need assistance getting back into bed” the lady on the other end tells me and I quote “ I’m on my way” I finish up wash my hands and slowly waddle back to the bed and on the way my gown falls to the floor and ,I almost tripped on it. I look at the clock it’s 9:05am No nurse so Get to the side of the bed and push the nurse call button “I need help getting in to bed.” The same voice tells me I’m on my way. I’m standing there naked trying to pick up the gown off the ground with my foot but not succeeding. Getting tired of standing, it’s hard to breathe, my chest hurts, I now noticing the temperature in the room, still no nurse. I look at the clock and realize it’s been 5 minutes of trying to pick up the stupid gown off the ground and I’m naked. I push the nurse call button again and I get the same lady and I tell her I am out of bed I can’t get in without help and I have been paging them. “MAAME I’M ON MY WAY” as I go to respond I hear her hang up. I yell this is bullshit thinking maybe someone outside in the hall would hear me but no such luck. So my legs are week and I sit on the edge of the bed which still hurts my chest due to the pressure of sitting up. I was able to reach my cell phone that was on my bed and call Nate asking him how close he was (he called me telling me he was on his way as I got out of bed to pee) He was only at Johnson Creek blvd. one exit away I tell him to hurry up as I have been out of bed since he called me and I explain my gown fell I’m naked and can’t get into bed and no one is coming from the nurses desk. WE hang up I page the nurses desk again now 9:20am I get no answer this time. I notice my bell isn’t sounding outside my door. I page again. I had to stand up a little easier to breathe I’m now noticing I’m getting very upset I feel tears welling up and stinging my eyes. There is a knock on my door and this very loud lady opens the door turns off the nurse call button inside the door but keeps the curtain closed and says “MAME, they will be with you when they can your nurse is busy” I yell at this point and tears start fallen I just don’t understand why you can’t help me get into bed she just came back with mame mame you’re fine and your nurse is busy she will be with you when she is done. I then blurt all I need is help getting in to bed so what’s wrong with your fat ass. Mame I’m sorry she will be with you when she is done and then the lady had to balls to shut the door and walk away I sob seriously lost it. Standing there naked I yell in between sobs “WHY ME?? OMG!!! YOU FAT FUCKIN BITCH! I JUST ON’T UNDERSTAND! ” I look at the clock it is now 9:30 I can’t believe I have been standing there naked almost 30 minutes I hurt so bad and sobbing doesn’t help the pain at all. I then hear the door slam against the wall the curtain fly open it’s the “ FAT FUCKIN BITCH” and my nurse asking what’s wrong I then in between sob tell her don’t act like you don’t know she states why are3 you naked. I explain my Dr. left my gown untied when I got up to pee it feel and I almost tripped on it I have been paging for help since 9:05 no one would come they oh wait you kept telling me you were on your way it’s hard to talk I’m sobbing but I get it all out as my legs start to give out from under me and I barley hit the edge of the bed. As I started to go down the “FAT FUCKIN BITCH “ nurse grabs my legs out from under me and flings them on the bed. As I barley hit the edge of the bed with my right hip I landed on the right shoulder. Major pain shooting threw the chest. I’m to only be on my back. This broad left me laying like this and walked out of the room and my nurse is saying Jill what is going on why are you so upset. Really seriously did she not just hear me tell her? Nate walks in and to the other side of the bed helps me lay correctly in bed then just starts rubbing my arm trying to get me to calm down I tell him what is going on in between sobs yes still sobbing if not worse since I saw him. My nurse kept apologizing telling me this is the first she knew that I needed help. I told her it’s hard enough for me to ask for help, then when I do have to rely on someone else I get treated like that and I’m expected to trust them No way! She apologized again said she will go get my meds, ice packs , and ice water when she stumbled and my left arm gets pulled forward and hurts really bad then I realized she tripped on my IV port cord and is pulling my arm out. I then Yell and reach with my right arm which hurt to pull my left arm back but she stumbled again and is now starting to pull the tape and port out of my arm. She slowly gained her stance apologized and I then look at Nate still sobbing and now this one tries to yank my port out. She just walked out of the room as Nate is stuck trying to calm me down. My nurse comes back in apologizes a million times, packs me with ice , medicates me, and tells me she will rush my discharge papers because all I kept saying is I just want to go home. After calming down Dr. Albert’s came in told me we are good to go home and answered a few of my questions. Nate starts to pack up some of my things and gets a phone call from Archie Somer’s, from Somer’s racing. He asked Nate to go pick up a part in Troutdale for Sally. Nate tells him we are getting discharged and he will then go get it after he gets me home. We get all the paperwork done and Nate helps me get dressed and took a load out to the car. He came back and grabbed another load of stuff, flowers ect. Then went and got the car. I had a porter wheel me down to the car and Nater helps me in once packed in the car we leave. On the way every damn bump, turn, and shift of the gears hurts. On the way I told Nate it made no since to go home and then turn around and go get the parts in Troutdale just go get them even though it hurt. I didn’t want to be away from him after the morning I just had. When we finally got home I realized I had set the bedroom up thinking I could go to bed. I get home and tears burning the eyes I had to sleep in the recliner. The beast chairs are called that because they are huge I have to mount and dismount the hairs even when I am feeling fine they are made for tall people like Nate not short shits like me. So for me to get in and out of the chair Nate has to help me even to get in it let alone, sit up and get out of it. I slept in the beast and Nate slept on the couch. He was up anytime I needed him. He is so awesome to me. The things he has been threw and so supportive.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Day after Surgery

Day after surgery…
Well I didn’t sleep much. I watched a lot of TV. chatted with the nurses, and dosed in between pain meds or taking a hit off the pain pump. Nate had told me the night before to just call him if I couldn’t sleep or I really needed anything. So at 6:30am I did just that lol. I called asked him to get up get ready and maybe he could hang out with me for awhile in the am and then if I wasn’t able to go home he could go back home in the afternoon and then at 5pm work on Sally with Somer’s the motor rebuilder. At 7 am my plastic surgeon strolls in. I was hoping Nate would have been there when the Docs showed up but Dr. Jewett showed up kind of early today.
Let me quickly explain the in and out of bed process so you understand ….
I could tell you that I had got up to pee every hour on the half hour to pee and it was just ridiculous. It was a huge process. First of all It hurt to sit up and hurt even worse to stand up. The nurse told me my body gait was way out of whack. She said I sat and stood as if I had just been slugged in the stomach. My shoulders rolled forward and I was so hunched forward. It hurt to breathe when I was sitting up or standing also. SO to get out of bed I’d have to push the nurse call button because I didn’t have the strength to pull the blankets off of me and plus my arms hurt so bad to move from away from my side. They would help me out of bed and in to the bathroom and then back to the bed. The nurse would then flatten the bed so I could get in and start to fold it back into a sitting position as I go into bed. I am not allowed to lay down past 20 degrees. NO one really told me why but I just couldn’t lay down past 20 degrees till after my post opp. appointment. So once in bed, the nurse wedges a pillow in between me and the bed railings, the she will pack my chest and armpits with 4 bags of ice under my gown, I rest a pillow over my chest, pull blanket up, the nurse will pull the bedside table up against the pillow so while I sit in bed the ice will not move off of my chest. It was a process but we had it down pat.

Dr Jewett showed up at 7am. He washes his hands, then walks over to the bed, shoves the bed table away from me, pulls the blanket and pillow off of me and kind of tossed them towards the foot of the bed. He pulls out the ice packs from under my gown and then slightly pulled down my compression wrap (gauze and an ace wrapped multi layers around my whole body sung.) He just poked his finger across my chest and then walks over washes his hands and says “You’re good to go home, so I will start your discharge paperwork”. I was totally floored and started to tear up as I was in no way ready to go home. I didn’t sleep and I could barely move. I quickly asked how my surgery went. His reply was “I told your husband” Once again floor my tears really starting to well up in my eyes. He is heading towards the door. I spat out. “Well, I’m your patient and I’d like to hear about it from my fuckin’ surgeon not my husband!” Nate was exhausted and he is Nate so I know he didn’t get all the details. I have never been treated like this from any of my surgeons. Even during the consult with him he was short and didn’t want to hear my oppion when he would ask me a question. I was at my limit with this DICK HEAD! Dr. Jewett comes back with “Well, you go what you wanted. I went ahead and did the extender implants on you. ” He turns and walks out of the room. Not really understanding what just happened I let the tears slowly fall from my cheeks not knowing what to do about that conversation. There was no way in hell mentally or physically that I could leave that hospital. My nurse walks in with a wet wash cloth and wipes my face for me just to clean me up. She was the best; she so totally knew I was upset. She told me Dr. Jewett told her that my general surgeon’s partner Mr. Albert’s will be by later to discharge me on his side of the surgery. I must have dosed because all of a sudden Nate was there. I explain to him and he was all good we can go home. We bicker back and forth about me going home. I kept standing my ground that there was no way that I could do it at on my own even with his help. I had the stupid heart monitor on my right side with what seemed like 50 cords that went what seemed like 50 patches all over my damn body, then my IV port was on my left arm and the cord to the IV bag not kidding was at least 5 feet. Me and the nurses kept tripping over it as it was way too long. Nate just wanted to get home to get away from all the cords so it would be easier to help me he says. Dr Albert’s comes in just before noon, and explains he is there because Dr. Cowgill was in surgery but she would come by later in the evening to check on me. He sits down has a great lil chat about surgery from what he knew that took place. He asked what I thought about going home. I was very flat about I didn’t think there was any way I could go home as I was way to week and I couldn’t sit up or stand with a ton of pain. He agreed I should stay as long as I needed. We then discussed how there isn’t much they could give me pain wise due to allergies and normally the ladies would be numb from pain but I had to bare threw it . Nate was sitting me side my bed in a recliner mumbling quietly “I don’t understand why you just can’t go home” and a bunch of mumbled cuss words. After Dr. Albert’s left the room we discussed how he was upset but as I explained I’m too weak and maybe I could get some actual sleep if I stayed one more night, and then maybe I could get the heart monitor off. Actually we didn’t know why I had it. Something about sleep apnea is all the nurses had. Nate finally agreed it might be better.
Kris Gray and Rachael Yonko came to visit me. It was so nice to see a new face, and that of my friends made me tear up a tiny bit. We didn’t get long to chat because Steve and Suzi Wetteland, my mom and dad’s friends stopped but and hung out with us gals to visit. It was very nice for them to come to see me also. Rachael also made me a very beautiful card that I got a ton of comments about how cute it was.
Nater hung out with me most of the morning and afternoon watching TV or playing on the laptop until he had to go home to meet Somer’s to work on Sally’s motor. He left me the laptop to play with. But I felt bad because as soon as I would get on it I would doze off to sleep. Lol Later that evening my mom, dad, Kelli and Bailey showed up to visit.
I had totally forgotten about Dr. Cowgill possibly stopping by so when she did it threw me off a bit but I love chatting with her she is so nice and friendly. Doc went over how her part of the surgery went. Even told me things that Nater forgot to mention which kind of upset me he didn’t tell me. I had the heart monitor as over kill she said lol I guess the anesthesiologist had a hard time getting the metal thing into my throat as my jaw popped she nicked the back of my throat somewhere and so they had to add the heart monitor to watch me ?????? and something about sleep apnea I don’t quite understand it still. I was even to go to a special recovery unit but she managed to get me into where I was, and thought it was ok. Dr. Cowgill also mentioned that she didn’t believe the cancer mass was as aggressive as first assumed. I believe I remember her stating that the mass was also hormone fed. But I was a little dopey when she was there. This means if it is hormone fed they will have to give me hormone inhibitors, which will throw me in to menopause. GOOD TIMES HUH?
I basically slept what felt like all night but according to Liz my night nurse she said I slept every two hours until she walked in to give me new meds. But would be asleep until the next time she came in the room. I also didn’t have to pee so much … yes that was important lol it is a huge process to get in and out of bed. Come to find out each surgeon had wrote I needed 1.5 IV bags so I was getting 3 in a certain amount of time. So they were pushin the IV pretty fast plus I was drinking a TON of water. Until someone realized and asked one of the surgeons and they said it should have only been 1.5 IV bags lol. My pee is still blue green from the dye they injected into me. I thought it was just you know that special blue dye they add to toilets. Well duh Jill, I was peeing in a bucket so they could watch my out take levels. The nurses and I laughed about this every time I peed.
The pain levels well they were startin to slowly ween me off the fentanyl pain pump so I couldn’t be pushing it every 8 minutes. I only used it when I got in and out of bed. So now I’m only on 2 percocets every 4 hours for pain. It don’t cut it either.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Surgery Day 07/05/11

Surgery date.

Well so they take me back to surgery prep. I felt a little nauseated, Nate and mom had to sit out in waiting room till I was totally ready. Met a really nice nurse named Linda she was so sweet and was very saddened by why I was there. She couldn’t get the iv port in the top of my left hand so she had to put it in the area below my thumb on the left hand so it kind of hurt to turn wrist. Well that didn’t help now I have a huge bruise on top where she attempted the first attempt.

They sent Nate back for a few minutes before my trip to necular medicine to get the dye injections. We chatted for a few then I was taken to my injection appt. But when the lady showed up I asked her where my little red wagon was? She looked at me funny and I told her I wanted the little red wagon ride like they give the kids. She just laughed and told me this one will be a better ride anyways. The lady taking me to the appt couldn’t drive the bed very well we kept hitting the walls around corner etc. It was kind of fun as we laughed and giggled all the way to and from the injection room. She made a nervous time full of laughs and giggles.

My general surgeon, Dr. Cowgill came in said hi before she went to prep and then my plastic surgeon , Dr. Jewett came in and he well I honestly think he is just an ass. He walks in to the curtained off area want to be room with some girl and asks me to slide with my feet off the side of my bed and open my gown. I then looked at the girl and said hi my name is Jill as she then introduced herself as some girl from some collage, that is going to be watching over my surgery and asked me if it would be ok if she also watched the surgical prep. I just think it was another rude moment from my plastic surgeon. Not even an introduction, bare it all and deal with it I guess. Dr. Jewett then grabs a skin pen and started drawing on me so much when he was done it looked like something a football couch had drawn to show the team where each player should be on the field. I was kind of embarrassed when he was done as they both stood back and he asked me to sit up straight and they both just looked and kind of stared at my chest and said it will work. He mentioned again he would like to go a smaller breast size then what I had agreed to in the consult but I once again had to explain I didn’t come to him because this is an elective surgery this is something I felt I had to do and if I could I would like to come out the same as I went in with, or kind of the same. With a look of disgust he then just put the pen cap on the pen and they walked away.

Linda my nurse brought mom and Nater back for a few minutes to say the I love you’s before surgery and off I went. As I was being wheeled off to surgery. I was kind of nervous, but yet kind of excited not knowing what I was going to wake up with or without.

They move me over from the bed to the surgical table and we are all talking and waiting then the Docs come in and they have a discussion with me about my allergies. I’m allergic to all the ones they wanted to give me for pain during and after then surgery. Next hey called the pharmacy and talked to a pharmacist about what they could give me before during and after surgery. After all that was worked out I had to sign papers stating that I understood they had to give me a pain med that I was allergic to but they were also giving me a med to counter react it. Next the anistishologist put the mask on me and I remember saying “LET’S KICK CANCERS ASS” and they all cheered “LET’s DO IT!”

I remember waking up in recovery… VERY ITCHY and complaining their anti-itch stuff is not working. Once I could get my eyes to focus for a few seconds. I moved the blankets down off my chest and pulled my gown up so I can see down it and I was completely flat chested. “WOW I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT” I said out loud and the nurse was giggling and said you’re so funny, most women just start balling. They finally wheeled me to my room and got me all set up in there and then brought the family in to see me. Nater, Colton, Mom, Dad, & Kelli….Where was Bailey? I don’t know. But that was the first thing I noticed. The second was the KooKoo bird Colton bought me. A very proud kid…”Mom, I had Kelli take me to Wal-Mart to go get it and I bought it with my own money just for you” I the KooKoo bird is a large stuffed bird I had mentioned I thought would work as a pressure pillow the Dr said would help me when I cough, sneeze, laugh, or move. I love my KooKoo bird, and it does help a lot.

No one had ate the nurse said the kitchen closed so Mom, Dad, & Kelli left to go get something to eat and then to go home. Nater & Colton went to go get something to eat and brought me back something to so we ate, then Nater kind of told me bits and pieces of what the surgeons told him of how the surgery went, and then they went home. This is when I was really able to kind of look down at my compression wrap and realize I am completely flat.

I had the best evening RN Llurh (sounded like lure like fishing lure), then there was Amy a CNA , and the best night RN Liz. The 3 were so nice and friendly. They would not just help me in and out of bed, bring me ice water and ice packs, they would come in and chat if I was awake, and just come in and check on me unlike some of the other nurses. I then got Jeanne the day shift charge nurse, and a Linfield college student nurse named Beth. It was so nice to have nurses that actually felt like they could be personal friends of yours. They came in sat on the edge of the bed and chatted quite often. In fact I timed one of the chats with Jeanne the charge nurse 1 hr. 45 minutes, she would get calls all the time on her phone and nurses coming in asking her questions but she was determined to chat. We actually did have a lot in common. Then I started wondering if the chatting was just because of the cancer and sympathy but even if it was they are some pretty amazing ladies they sure did help make my stay amazing that first night, and next day. Come to find out Jeanne spent her lunch our just chattin with me.

As for how I was feeling well I hurt to sit up, Stand up even worse. The pain was horrible. It felt like 2, 50 pound bowling balls were hanging off the shoulders and pulling down ward on my chest. When I sat up or stood I was very gated. My shoulders rolled forward and hunched almost like as if I had been punched in the stomach. It hurt to breathe. My only comfort was somewhat in a sitting/laying in the hospital bed with my chest packed with 4 bags of ice. But that still hurt but it was nothing like sitting or standing. Getting up and back to the bathroom was SO HARD just from pain alone. I couldn’t move my arms the pain was excruciating. I was drinking so much water plus they were filling me with a ton of IV bags. So this was a huge battle of holding it as long as possible due to pain, and the hassle of getting in and out of bed. Plus I would have to rely on a nurse to help me in and out of bed.

I honestly was surprised of how the flatness of the compression wrap was. Nate told me the Dr. Jewett the plastic surgeon did place in the extender implants. But I thought there would have been some shape there but nothing is there. I however thought the flatness would bug me mentally more then it did. It doesn’t really bug me at all. Kind of a shock to my own thoughts, if that makes since. I really thought it would at least make me upset. But I’m really ok with it.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Yup not a smail i hurt soooooooooooooo bad
like the black circles under the eyes? lol so tired

Not thats totally flat chested
I wasnt even born that flat chested...OMG!

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Tryin to post from

Tryin to post from was surgery. im exhausted. cant get enough pain meds i keep pushin the damn button though

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Today is the day of surgery random thoughts

• Today is the day of surgery.... some of my random thoughts running threw my head right this second @ 6:15am
• I didn't sleep much last night due to fireworks and nerves.
• Someone also turned off the air conditioner so it was flippin’ hot in here.
• I woke up at 4am that means 3 hrs sleep for me.
• The lack of sleep has go to stop. Hopefully after today it will.
• the hospital gave me these wipes that look like baby wipes and your to shower then wipe down with them night before surgery and then again in the am. Makes me wonder do they really work? They make me feel dirty and sticky I don't care for them.
• Do I have everything ready for when I come home ????? Probley not. I hate how much you think you have everything ready come to find out afterwards you realize not even close.
• Nate is sleepin beside me now and is kind of making weird whimpering noises wonder what he’s dreamin about? Oh dear God he is snoring again….
• I am hungary! Since I couldn’t eat after midnight, at 11:30pm I had a hand full of cheetos and 2 Reese’s sticks. Now I’m so thirsty .
• Wonder if I lay back down if I could sleep before I have to go???? Probley not huh
• How bad is my phone gonna blow up today with calls texts or facebook messages? Good luck with that Nate LMAO (laughin my ass off)

Well I think I’m off of here .
I will blog as soon as possible!

Here is a letter I posted on facebook I forgot to post on here
Dear Friends and Family,
I couldn't go to surgery tomorrow morning without sending you a big huge
THANK YOU for all your thoughts, concerns, letters, notes, support, and prayers. I wish you could see into my heart and see how much they've meant to me and have kept them going. You all showed up with something different right when I needed it. A hug, a laugh, a coffee, a quote, a note, a check, a wig, an hour, a smile. All because you love me! I'm totally overwhelmed by that.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!. But you have made it suck just a little less and shown me what friendship is and what it can do. It has given me strength not only to fight this, but to BEAT it! Thanks for being a part of my journey...I'm honored to fight this battle with you by my side.

It's EXTREAMLY hard for me to accept loving gestures because I don't like to inconvenience people, so I wanted to make sure you knew how much your support and love has meant to me as I fight this disease. I'm glad you're on MY side!

I'll see you soon with my new boobies and same bitchy attitude!
Love you guys! I'll see you soon with my new boobies and same bitchy attitude!
Signed with love,
Tenacious TaTa Fightin’ Bitch,
Jill Marple

P.S. keep the support, quotes, comments, ect. coming as I have only began this journey and from this point on I WILL NEED YOU ALL!